Part 1 of 3 - The One with a Health Update

 It's been a while, and for that, I am sorry. I started this year launching Wild Magic Yarns full time, with so many ideas and aspirations, and have gradually got more and more ill, rendering me almost completely useless. Not the new business experience I was imagining. 

I am keeping up with monthly yarn clubs, which I am very proud of, and couldn't have done it without the help of my (now 17 year old!) son, who has been an absolute star with the physical side of soaking, rinsing, drying and twisting yarn. 

What I haven't been able to do is dye anything extra. I have two collections planned that I've just been unable to dye, and it is so very frustrating. I'll get there, eventually, but I want to do them now!

Being so ill has also meant that I've not been vlogging or podcasting, which I also had plans for this year. I am really missing YouTube and I have been completely avoiding it for months, so I've missed my favourite people's podcasts. I thought avoiding it would make me feel less rubbish, but actually, it has made me feel worse the more I have become detached from the yarn world. The last thing I want to do when I look and feel terrible is video myself, but that shouldn't stop me from enjoying others' videos, so as of today, I will start watching again. I must have missed so much! 

Health wise - still no diagnosis. My gastro consultant and GP are both "happy" I have a form of Inflammatory Bowel Disease, but until they find out whether it's Crohns or Colitis, I can't have treatment, so I am getting weaker and weaker. It has been 57 weeks since I saw the gastro for the first time, and I am STILL waiting for my urgent, expedited colonoscopy. What a mess the NHS is in. 

It's very depressing to see this on my phone tracker and realise the last time I left the house was February, and that was for a scan at hospital. Not being able to leave the house is addling my brain. 

To add to that, my other chronic illnesses are playing up. I have had multiple blood tests recently, and my inflammation levels are sky high. The GP has thrown around things like Addison's Disease, Cushings, MS, Rhematoid Arthritis, Lupus, and it is all very scary. I just want it all to go away, but of course, it won't. 

My pain levels were so high my usual pain medication wasn't touching it, so my GP put me onto morphine patches. I had a terrible reaction and was SO ill. Next he tried me on oral morphine - same reaction. No morphine for me! Now he wants me to try Pregabalin, which I have had before and reacted badly to, so it's just another waste of my time. 

I have also started experiencing severe hypos. I am not diabetic, so the GP does not know why they are happening. My blood sugars are regularly dropping so rapidly and so low that I start to go unconscious. My levels go below 3.5, and I am supposed to call an ambulance when this happens, but they happen multiple times a day, so I would constantly be ringing 999! Apparently, I have to just live with it and hope I don't die in the meantime, because my doctor can only investigate one issue at a time. Yes, really. 

Meanwhile, all this has been happening and I have been getting worse and worse, not sleeping because of the pain, getting more and more anxious and miserable, and stopped doing everything that brings me a small amount of joy. I have basically given up, I am just existing, and I cannot imagine this being my life forever. 

All I want now is to feel better. To get some treatment, to have a chance of maybe less pain and less symptoms. But for now, it all seems so far away because of the NHS waiting times. For now, I will continue to just exist, and hope that I don't get worse again.